We’re back for arguably the craziest story of the series… This story is appropriately called, “SHE Out Bro’d You Bro,” but we use the term “she” quite loosely. In all of my stories I try to keep the characters involved anonymous, but the objective of this story is so you know one of them very well. With the recent Chick-fil-A controversy I realize this story may strike a cord for some, but the difference is they’re fighting for the right to live how they want openly. This story is about a man trying to fool people to think he’s a woman, and in my opinion it must be stopped! Reggie Bush and “The Situation” should agree with me…
Out on vacation we’re all having a good time on the roof top pool at a popular hotel. There’s nothing but beautiful women all around, I mean it could have been a music video shoot going on up there, that’s the type of vibe it had. Unexpectedly a “chick” with some very strong features appears, and off top me and my homie had red flags that went off. We quietly say, “yo, I think that’s a dude.” As soon as we say that we get the impression “she” over hears us, and continues to look over at us in a, “oh no they know,” type of way. We think nothing too much of it, but on our way out we see one of the guys in our crew going over to holla at her. Mind you we’ve all discussed how we think it may be a man, a even asked other girls around, but they felt it had to be a woman based on “her” outfit. Maybe the fact that I’m one of the few in the crew originally from the northeast, and it’s a bit more overt there, that I knew even though “she” had a bikini and breast popping out that “she” could very well be a he. Anyway, we left the pool to go get something to eat, but the homie decided he was going to stay, and get to know “her” a little better. To make a long story short, we spot the “girl” back at our hotel. The homie let’s us know “she’ll” be joining us at the club that evening, and I had to tell him I really think that’s a dude dog, maybe you want to chill, it’s a lot of girls out here, but he was adamant about pursuing, and strongly felt “she” was a female. Now we’re at the club tearing it down! I spot the person in question, and “she’s” practically wearing lingerie to the club, that’s when I was convinced “she” was a he for sure… Not to mention the Andre The Giant sized hands and feet that came with the package. So the homie is all over her throughout the night. I mean they had a full fledged relationship in a matter of 3 hours. They had an argument, weren’t talking to each other, made up, and then left the club with one another as if they’d known each other for years. They spent the night together, but didn’t have sex, it’s not totally sure what did take place, but I’m sure they didn’t just sleep on opposite sides of the bed all night (grabs barf bag). As bad as it already is, he got lucky, as the story gets crazier, and others weren’t so lucky. One of my other friends became very friendly with the girl (a real girl) the person in question was with. She text him, “I am freaking out, I think Jade might be a man, a friend of mine sent me a clip of “her” trying out for Canadian Idol.” We get the link, and had to pull the car over to see this shit. Now, speculation is on thing, but when you get actual footage (see below), of the “she” as a he, it’s some wild shit! After seeing the video, we had to let the homie know, and he was really fucked up over it. I mean, they were talking about really trying to develop a relationship, and meet up in a city near you in a couple of weeks. After seeing the clip we had to do our own research. We Google Jade Mya, and find out “she” is really Ryan Mawla. So now you know, Jade Mya, really is Ryan Mawla, and if you’re mama named you Ryan I’m gonna call you Ryan. We also see that he’s done work for Playboy, and been featured in Canadian World Star Hip Hop (who knew). It’s unbelievable that this dude has not only been fooling drunk thirsty men, but the whole world damn near. After more research we see he has been getting work as a so called “model.” Been featured in videos by artist as big as Drake. The funny thing is it’s seemingly quite obvious. I sent the pic to some of my homies back home and they saw it off the jump. So now we’re looking thru the web, and we see different Canadian blogs saying how popular this guy is. “She’s” been engaged to a big time hockey player, involved with Mike “The Situation”, and even Reggie Bush (Frank Ocean ain’t got shit on Reggie). We’re going through the comments, and guys are saying how sexy “she” is and they use to date her, and then a few people are trying to explain “she” is really a he, but their replies show they refuse to believe it. Now, I’m a pretty liberal thinker, and you should live your life how you want, my opinion or anyone else’s shouldn’t matter, but when you’re going around pretending, and affecting other people’s lives, this type of shit isn’t right. People have a right to know what they’re getting into. A guy can be seriously traumatized by something like this, but those who oppose are looked at as filled with hate or closed minded, but that’s so far from the reality of the situation. Even the whole thing involving the Miss Universe situation, she had a boyfriend who was fully aware of what “she” was. He made the choice to continue on with that relationship, and everyone should be given that choice. The homie had no clue what he was getting into. If he did he probably would have put Ryan Mawla in a headlock “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan style, and applied multiple uppercuts to the face. In conclusion, we had a lot of fun with this internally, we had tons of jokes and laughs off of it, but then there’s a ton of anger at the same damn time. I wasn’t even going to tell this story, but then we got word from Ryan’s friend that “he took a dude home, and smashed him.” At that point I felt a need to try to let the people know. ” The thirst is real,” just make sure you don’t get too hydrated out here. If you see Ryan Mawla, and you’re not into that, just head in the other direction. I gave you fair warning… Beware! (Check the video below, it’s hilarious, go to around 1:30) 5 Ways To Tell if “She” is a He: 1. Large hands and feet, the Adams Apple thing may be over, as they can get surgery to remove that. Can’t change the man hands and feet. 2. Boob job, but small breast. Should mean there was nothing to work with from the start. 3. Over sexed mentality. if you’re already questioning and “she” is trying too hard to flaunt her new found woman hood, that’s a major red flag. 4. The voice. If she sounds like Teddy Pendergrass that’s likely not a coincidence 5. If you even have to question it, it’s not worth it. It’s a lot of fish out here… Real ones.
“Life and Times of Tito Five” are based on true stories.